Prop 8...Dont Ask Dont Tell...whats next? Dont even get me started on healthcare

I am really getting sick of all these bad things that keep happening to openly gay people. It really pisses me off that they are not treated equally because of their sexual orientation. To be honest, if I had the time to write this more eloquently I would, but its FUCKED UP TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE SECOND CLASS CITIZENS, for any reason! You cant help what sex you prefer. Its something that a person is born with. Do you know how many gay people I know who have told me that they wouldnt have "chosen" this path? It is a very difficult thing for a person to go through because of all the judgements and restricitions that are put upon you from the day you come out. Do all people not deserve equal rights is the "land of the free??" Land of the free my ass! We are living in the fucking stoneage, behind other countries even who had some of the same, BULLSHIT policies and have since changed them. I thought this was the year for change Mr. President? I thought this was the year we would all come together and ladi da? What happened to that?! Why are we waiting on this? Why is this on the back burner?! I am really upset by this.

Just read this:

Lessons from Australia, Canada, Israel, and Britain




Each of the four countries studied reversed its gay ban for different reasons. In Canada, federal courts forced the armed forces to lift the ban in October 1992, ruling that military policy violated Canada's Charter of Rights and Freedoms. In Australia, the liberal government of Prime Minister Paul Keating voted to lift the ban in November 1992 as the country was integrating a number of international human rights conventions into its domestic laws and codes. In Israel, the military lifted its ban in June 1993 after dramatic Knesset hearings prompted a public outcry against the armed forces' exclusion of gay and lesbian soldiers. And in Britain, in September 1999, the European Court of Human Rights ruled that Britain's gay ban violated the right to privacy guaranteed in the European Convention on Human Rights, and London reacted by lifting the ban in January 2000. Despite the different routes that led to the policy ...

Canada. Fucking CANADA has overturned this and we havent? Are you KIDDING ME?

Now I dont know about you, but I cant believe that more people arent speaking up about this! How can people not speak up for BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS AND FREEDOM FOR ALL PEOPLE?

What happened to Liberty and justice for all? Do people even know the meaning of Liberty?

Liberty is a concept of political philosophy and identifies the condition in which an individual has the right to act according to his or her own will.

Please support equal rights for ALL PEOPLE. I am , and I will continue to do so until this fight is won. Since I cant march this weekend I am going to donate!

http://www.gaycenter.org/advocacy/nationalequalitymarch


Gay Marriage in DC? Theres a start! http://www.washblade.com/2009/10-9/news/localnews/15318.cfm

 
 
And because all things should be covered, please watch the following video. Its long but its worth watching.
 
I am also going to donate to their cause as well. Put pressure on the senators who could get it done and are dragging their feet!
 
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/
 
God Bless you Keith Olbermann.
 
 
https://npo.networkforgood.org/Donate/Donate.aspx?npoSubscriptionId=1000863&code=NAFC2009
 

Focus,

Its amazing how much we need our focus to keep our witts about us, in order to perform so many simple tasks, For example, today I was on the olyptical machine (sp?) and I was studying at the same time. I stumbled for a second but quickly regained my balance. Its amazing how much our ability to focus keeps us able to do certain things well and not falter.

Lately I have been struggling to maintain my focus. I cant seem to get a grip on my school work and the things I need to do. Maybe its my age.I am 25, and not 19. I can no longer stay up late cramming informaton into my probably shrinking brain, and I cant seem to ever catch up on my studies. I am always behind the game when I should be ahead. Granted I work 30 hours a week, and I take 4 classes. I have become a bit of a perfectionist, so I want to get A's constantly. But for some reason I cant seem to focus.

I took today off work to study. So far, I have reviewed one chapter for a test that isnt until Monday. I also managed to go to the gym and get a manicure. What is that about? I am avoiding...losing focus. I need to keep my brain ON. I need to stay focused. But I cant stop thinking about how much I just want to be a damn housewife. Why couldnt Phil just be wealthy? Im so lucky bc I have a great man who is flipping awesome. But I wish we were wealthy sometime, just to take the pressure off and I could go to school to do what I really want to do without financial worry.

Things could be worse. I think I have it really good...I am thankful. I just wish that I didnt always have to be so focused, It should be okay to BREATH AND RELAX sometimes.

i need yoga. and a chai tea latte.

NO I need to study,

sigh,

so sweet

I got home last night to a pretty fall type of flower bouquet on the dining room table.

I love my boyfriend...

Why didnt I take a picture???

<3

One of the most amazing songs ever, by one of the best bands ever

Sometime around midnight, ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS!!!

....skip to about 2:30 if you want...it gets really really good from there...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTctlgFCtXE

I cant wait to see them live in October!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_peudMwg70

Dreams

Lately I have been having very wildly vivid and realistic dreams.

Last night, after good advice from a certain friend, I didnt think about how the dreams I have been having have actually been nightmares. Instead, I thought about how things are good, and that I am happy.

I drempt last night that I was in a white wedding gown. I was in a chapel type place and was set to be marrying my phil.

All of my friends and family members were there. My cousin and fiends were crying. I was even crying a little because I was happy.

My mom showed up late and was mean to phils mom, which as awkward. And Phil was 15 mintues late and I didnt even care. All I wanted was for him to show up, lol. I just wanted him to be there. I was mostly concerned about him not seeing me by accident before the wedding, and figuring the rest of the details out.

I only watched him walk in from the side entrance, in a black tuxedo looking handsome, and I couldnt seen much but his bald head and his two groomsmen behind him. It was enough to make me cry.

I woke up happier than I have ever been recently. It makes me teary eyed thinking about how happy I was to be marrying my sweetheart.

In the end things may not always be perfect with us, but he has my heart now, locked away inside his. No matter what I do that will never change.

Only time will tell where our lives will take us, where we will live, if we will have kids, and what will happen to our families as we get older. I do know that I love him though and I cant wait to start forever with him.

Life is....

Beautiful.
Disastrous.
Peaceful.
Interesting.
Short.
Intense.
Envious.
Delicious.
Bittersweet.
Tired.
Humble.
Lonesome.
Fiery.
Amazing.
Mysterious.
Transparent.
Fragile.
Love.

Whew

Boy has it been an exciting couple of weeks! School, visits with friend, people acting a bit kooky in the world, (i.e. Joe Wilson, Kanye, etc) and other crazy, bizarre things.

How about that healthcare reform? Dont even get me started.

With a boyfriend who could possibly get denied treatment for his back bc of a pre-existing conditions, this issue of healthcare is coming down on us like a giant money stealing hammer.

No I dont not support the Bauccus (sp?) bill, and I think Obama is living in a dreamworld if he thinks we can achieve the objectives he has "put out there".

but I dont want to waste all my bloggy time talking politics. I have been told that no one wants to hear it.

I swear though if I had money, I would become a politician. Everyone thinks I am a pretty loud/intense person anyways, why not use it to the advantage of the people? I would make a kick-ASS governer...

School has been pretty intense just far, and the semester just started two weeks to the date.

I already have a paper due Tuesday, and have NO idea how it will get done by then. Luckily I have already done a good leg of my research, and I have time at work to sit here and do things like blog, and homework. We are pretty dead this week, which I dont know is a good thing or a bad thing for me in the long run. Working part time hours with benefits=first to get cut when shit goes down the toilet....

Speaking of toilets, why do men NEVER clean toilets (or bathrooms) for that matter. I swear boyfriend man would be content to pee all over the room and not care. Its gross.

Its fall. Glorious fall. Pumpkins...and spiced drinks galore. I cant pick what to do first! Hayride??? Corn Maze??? You ever notice the irony in Corn Maze??? haha. And then there are haunted houses in October, and makeshift Oktoberfests around the state. So So SO exciting!

This weekend I am going to get my PASSPORT! Not like i have the money to GO anywhere, but I figure why not get it just in case right?! Phil is excited bc he has his. I cant wait to get out of this country one day. I think I belong elsewhere. Too bad you cant just move to anyther country and just start over. You need to have a work visa or something else in order to enter another country and stay there permanantly, which is kinda silly but I guess thats just how it works.

Imagine a society with no restrictions??? It would be the most beautifully chaotic thing ever!

Ok well I am pointlessly rambling.

Im going to go listen to the new Muse album because, well,  it is just amazing.

Man how things change

I am an aquarian so by nature we are fickle. With us, you are in one day and out tomorrow. It doesnt mean that you are out forever, tossed into the abyss like an old sock (not that people throw old socks into a giant hole...) but you get the point, it just means that you might be on a hiatus from my life for a bit, depending on how pissed off at you I am.

My boyfriened, like him or not, can be awesome one day and not so awesome the next.

There are many days (especially lately) where I could ring his fucking neck, and I say this in jest-sort of.

Tonight I am here at the computer at 1230am on Saturday of labor day weekend. Do I want to be sitting here this late typing a fucking blog? No of course not, I want to be out having a good time for once.I want to be either at the boardwalk or out for drinks with our friend Jamie, as said boyfriend claimed we would do tonight.

But of course thats not what happened, why would it.

I am sick of the last minute decisions, the "when I feel like leaving" bullshit, and the selfishness in this relationship. Its all about him. When he wants to go somewhere, what he wants to do, what movie he wants to see. Of course he would digress, because he is a fucking cancer and can never, ever, admit when he is wrong. God forbid he chooses to apologize before I have to point out for the 100th time what he did to upset me. I swear to god the day he genuinly apologizes the sky will open up and it will rain meatballs.

For instance, tonight we were out with boyfriend man's parents at Chilis (where we always go) which is fine becasuse I love his parents and I will eat wherever they want to go. So I am on the spot for a drink order, and because I need to make a game time decision, I say, "strawberry lemonade" because the waitress said it. Well a few seconds later I am thinking, shit, why did I order that? I have a stupid problem with my colon-no seeds or corn. Anyways, when my little pink beverage comes it is basically water and strawberry seeds- great. SO I was going to sit there ploting to politely ask for water when our food arrives ,when genious pipes up and goes, "what are those things floating?" I am like, "they are seeds, its fine", and he takes my drink and gives me his coke with a nasty face. Since his parents are nice they say, "would you like something else to drink," to him and he chimes in, "no dont worry she does this all the time".

Now since I dont want to fight in front of them of course i didnt say shit. But inside I was like, "what the fuck are you talking about asshole, I have never ever done this to you, not once, and did I ask for your fucking soda, NO???"

I NEVER do that. When you have diverticulosis, you have to watch what you eat, period always. I really am considering never eating out, it would just be easier that way Whnever I have ordered something with seeds it has been because I didnt know there were seeds-like seeds on a bun, etc. But to call me out like that when it isnt even true and put me down in front of your parents who care for and actually respect me is EMBARESSING. Not only that, he embaressed me with a fucking lie!

Ya know, if it wasnt for me that boy would eat peanut butter and jelly most days because I cook so damn much. I have changed his life for the better! He doesnt smoke anymore now thanks to my influence and hes not eating fetuccine alfredo out of a fucking jar every night or pizza like he used to.

I dont know where I am going with this. I guess I am just aggravated with men and the male race as a whole. For every girl I know right now where there fiance isnt sure if HE wants THEM. FUCK THAT. For every girl who has a man friend who just toys with her emotions and keeps her on a roller coaster. FUCK THAT. And for every girl who feels trapped in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere but down a mountain, FUCK THAT.

I am sick and tired of being the one to always say that I am sorry-especially when I wasnt wrong. I am sick and tired of cleaning the god damn hairs out of the sink after you shave. I am sick and tired of kissing your ass when your in a shit mood. And I am sick and tired of the lack of sex and intamacy in our relationship. Do you ever feel anything anymore? Do you have blood in your veins? Did you forget where your penis is?

As a grown woman, there is no way that I will put up with this shit for much longer if things keep up this way, Id rather be homeless and that isnt a joke.

I apologize for the spelling errors. Its late and I am sure there are many of them.

Back to school!

I LOVE back to school shopping. For anyone who knows me, I am not a huge shopper (like some others I know, ehem Steph). But one think I have always enjoyed is BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING!  I love it!

So...I finally narrowed down my new boot choices, they are really really cute!

My fave is this one, in tan:

over the knee boots

I can see them going with a lot of things, sweater dresses, skinny jeans, leggings and long sweaters...yah!! Exciting. I have another few pairs in mind but that one is firt choice. I alse need a pair of black old faithfuls but I can get those puppies another time, I dont need them yet.

I also need some other things like a bag for my books, since this semester carrying them in my hand won't cut it. I would probably topple over head first with my luck. Also, its not 1995 and I am not gonna Jansport my crap, so I need a new bag from somewhere to tote around my junk. Any thoughts? Are messenger bags still in?

Help!

Lucky

I have the love of a man,
made of courage, so strong.
Someone who will love you,
no matter how long.

I really am happy...

Really, truely, happy.

and I am not afraid anymore.

Just thoughts these are. Thoughts of life and love.

I love him.

I am insane.

So its only August and I already found next years vacation house for the outerbanks!

http://www.twiddy.com/homes/4x4/north-swan-beach/armynavy-annex-obx.aspx

I

CANT

WAIT!!!!!!!

Only 9 months to go till I am back in the Outerbanks where I belong... :)

College Orientation

I have already taken a class, and I know my way around the school pretty well.

I wont be given any advisment, and yet I need to pay $60 for a MANDATORY transfer student oreintation tonight at 5pm? Stupid!

Why are people made to waste money on things like this at colleges? And whats with all these "fees"? My classroom was practically falling apart this summer!? Where do these fees go? I understand, shit is pricy, I get it. But you are going to make me pay to go to something I dont need to attend?

Doesnt that drive you insane?

Drives me insane.

Another crazy fee....parking! $180 to park in a fucking lot for a semester that will require me to walk like 1/2 a mile to the campus? Bullshit I tell you.

But I do like my school a lot...so I guess in the end its worth it right?

I cant wait till May 2011.

:D

B.S. of Food Science and Nutrition, with a concentration in Food Managment

Sounds delish doesnt it! Not that I will be able to get a job with this god damned economic crisis!

If it wasnt for all the money MSU is making me hemorage, I would be more excited than I already.

I really am a college student....a REAL college student. Its an amazing (and scary) feeling but its awesome.

Even when all is said and done, and the diploma is hanging nicely on my wall (if I have a wall left after all the money I am putting out) I will smile to myself, and know that for only the second or third time in my life, I finished what I started.

To have my baldy behind me is amazing. He is such a lifeline I tell you. He puts up with me and the hormone crazies...he puts up with me forgetting vitally important things like my credit card and money, he helps me whenever I ask him to around the house (wish I didnt have to ask but you know...) and he loves me. Unconditionally. The support I have from him is inasanly wonderful. I dont think I would have even gotten through the last two years without him.

I am a ball of mush today..

must I tell you.

Not enough money, too many outfits needed

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My Wena

Please check out the song "My Wena" by Bowling for Soup-added it to my playlist.

HAHA!

Oh me, Oh my, GI

My intestines do not like food, I think they are on strike.

Its like gas city every day!

SOoooo....

To show my GI who is the real boss I am taking it super easy on them today, and I will be going to one of my favorite places tonight!!!

Yoga! Friday evening yoga...how I love thee!

Not that I do much but, um, childs pose (lol) I love Yoga!

The feeling of zen...total peace and relaxation....

Namaste....

My sweets made me a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich this morning so I can eat it for lunch-like I said, takin it easy today.

Oh how I love him.

His mom is grieving over the loss of her brother and cat-all in a span of two weeks. I will be staying home, I think his mom deserves some alone son time...

Steph, what are you doing this weekend!? You always say you want to get together, here is your chance! <3 Call me later muffin!


ha

Anyways, its a weekend full of R and R (and cleaning) boooo...I feel like there is never enough time right?

Toodles!

Tonights Din Din Agenda...

Cauliflower Soup-First time making it and I am SO glad there is a recipe for it. It would have taken longer for me to try to jimmy rigg a recipe together!

Recipe here

:)

My mom said when i was little I used to call Cauliflower "Califlowf"

Aren't kids strange? I guess I couldn't say the whole word.

Anywho...I am going to serve it in a pumpernickel or sourdough bread bowl, not sure which one yet. Ta-da!

Maybe I should make a little appetizer to go along with this, I don't think boyfriend man will get filled up on soup alone. Why do men have to eat so much?!

Only 1.5 hours remaining in this gloomy dungeon of recirculated air. Why couldn't I have a cool job? Like Chef, or ringmaster of a circus? Or maybe a politician? How about Obama makes me the Secretary of Food? That would be a job! :D

Its just that work is so LAME! I feel like it is this constant monotonous mind numbing, head hurting, crap-over and over again. For example, since I work in Marketing Research, its the same shit with clients all the time. DO this, do that, make these changes, take them out. Its enough to drive someone off a cliff! And forget about writing a report. Charts and graphs...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So tonight me and the bald one will be cleaning and eating...the usual fun and exciting stuff.

Is it bad that I am excited for school to start back up already? Or am I just excited over my first A at a reputable school?? The county college experience was very, um, informative/easy/any monkey could graduate from there!


Im out!!!


:D

New Day!

A new day is dawning!

I am LOVING this site.


Above....Outerbanks NC....the most beautifuly simple vacation spot on the east coast...

Pure bliss...

Take me away from this mundane pace, and let me go there!

First Times

Technically this is my first "blog". Blog as in like, "go read my blog" or are you a follower on my "blog". I's.Be's.Bloggins.

Life as I knew it in the online world consisted of Journal Community and In the Wire...May they RIP. Sweet little sites that contained unfiltered, private writing where I had a small clan of readers who offered their unending support or love daily, they accepted me for who I am and my musings werent for the public eye.

They will be now, I have nada to hide anymore! "I'm comin out!"

So I will start blogging today. I know if I don't generate much of a following this site will eventually turn into a source for venting, but to be honest my superfilous venacular and the awesome little snippits of a 25 year old, full time college students life should draw a bit of a crowd. If not, oh well. Me is Me.

I wont give too much away, since I dont want to spoil the intrigue! HA

To sum things up, I am 25 and I am still waiting for my life to really "begin". I am not a celebrity, a politician, or an actress, although I am totally interested in reading about them on Perez every day. I am not a chef, a firewoman, or a scientist. This is starting to sound like a riddle...lol. My point is, I am still "getting there". I live in New Jersey. That says enough. The place is a shithole and my whole mission is to"get out of here" one day...Baby it WILL HAPPEN.

I am in love...the kind of secure, strong foundation kinda love that sticks with you. Not the emotional, rip your heart out of your chest and beat it with a stick kinda love. No my love is generous, but meak. Strong, but timid. And Silly, but serious. My love is that love you think about when you see the old couple bickering at 90...we are a rock.

My life is pretty entertaining at times to say the least. I have gone on a campaign to avoid drama, which has been the highlight of my week so far. No. More. Drama.

Yeah...like that will last.

Because no matter where you hide...it will find you.

"they" will find you!

:)

welcome!