so sweet

I got home last night to a pretty fall type of flower bouquet on the dining room table.

I love my boyfriend...

Why didnt I take a picture???

<3

One of the most amazing songs ever, by one of the best bands ever

Sometime around midnight, ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS!!!

....skip to about 2:30 if you want...it gets really really good from there...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTctlgFCtXE

I cant wait to see them live in October!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_peudMwg70

Dreams

Lately I have been having very wildly vivid and realistic dreams.

Last night, after good advice from a certain friend, I didnt think about how the dreams I have been having have actually been nightmares. Instead, I thought about how things are good, and that I am happy.

I drempt last night that I was in a white wedding gown. I was in a chapel type place and was set to be marrying my phil.

All of my friends and family members were there. My cousin and fiends were crying. I was even crying a little because I was happy.

My mom showed up late and was mean to phils mom, which as awkward. And Phil was 15 mintues late and I didnt even care. All I wanted was for him to show up, lol. I just wanted him to be there. I was mostly concerned about him not seeing me by accident before the wedding, and figuring the rest of the details out.

I only watched him walk in from the side entrance, in a black tuxedo looking handsome, and I couldnt seen much but his bald head and his two groomsmen behind him. It was enough to make me cry.

I woke up happier than I have ever been recently. It makes me teary eyed thinking about how happy I was to be marrying my sweetheart.

In the end things may not always be perfect with us, but he has my heart now, locked away inside his. No matter what I do that will never change.

Only time will tell where our lives will take us, where we will live, if we will have kids, and what will happen to our families as we get older. I do know that I love him though and I cant wait to start forever with him.

Life is....

Beautiful.
Disastrous.
Peaceful.
Interesting.
Short.
Intense.
Envious.
Delicious.
Bittersweet.
Tired.
Humble.
Lonesome.
Fiery.
Amazing.
Mysterious.
Transparent.
Fragile.
Love.

Whew

Boy has it been an exciting couple of weeks! School, visits with friend, people acting a bit kooky in the world, (i.e. Joe Wilson, Kanye, etc) and other crazy, bizarre things.

How about that healthcare reform? Dont even get me started.

With a boyfriend who could possibly get denied treatment for his back bc of a pre-existing conditions, this issue of healthcare is coming down on us like a giant money stealing hammer.

No I dont not support the Bauccus (sp?) bill, and I think Obama is living in a dreamworld if he thinks we can achieve the objectives he has "put out there".

but I dont want to waste all my bloggy time talking politics. I have been told that no one wants to hear it.

I swear though if I had money, I would become a politician. Everyone thinks I am a pretty loud/intense person anyways, why not use it to the advantage of the people? I would make a kick-ASS governer...

School has been pretty intense just far, and the semester just started two weeks to the date.

I already have a paper due Tuesday, and have NO idea how it will get done by then. Luckily I have already done a good leg of my research, and I have time at work to sit here and do things like blog, and homework. We are pretty dead this week, which I dont know is a good thing or a bad thing for me in the long run. Working part time hours with benefits=first to get cut when shit goes down the toilet....

Speaking of toilets, why do men NEVER clean toilets (or bathrooms) for that matter. I swear boyfriend man would be content to pee all over the room and not care. Its gross.

Its fall. Glorious fall. Pumpkins...and spiced drinks galore. I cant pick what to do first! Hayride??? Corn Maze??? You ever notice the irony in Corn Maze??? haha. And then there are haunted houses in October, and makeshift Oktoberfests around the state. So So SO exciting!

This weekend I am going to get my PASSPORT! Not like i have the money to GO anywhere, but I figure why not get it just in case right?! Phil is excited bc he has his. I cant wait to get out of this country one day. I think I belong elsewhere. Too bad you cant just move to anyther country and just start over. You need to have a work visa or something else in order to enter another country and stay there permanantly, which is kinda silly but I guess thats just how it works.

Imagine a society with no restrictions??? It would be the most beautifully chaotic thing ever!

Ok well I am pointlessly rambling.

Im going to go listen to the new Muse album because, well,  it is just amazing.

Man how things change

I am an aquarian so by nature we are fickle. With us, you are in one day and out tomorrow. It doesnt mean that you are out forever, tossed into the abyss like an old sock (not that people throw old socks into a giant hole...) but you get the point, it just means that you might be on a hiatus from my life for a bit, depending on how pissed off at you I am.

My boyfriened, like him or not, can be awesome one day and not so awesome the next.

There are many days (especially lately) where I could ring his fucking neck, and I say this in jest-sort of.

Tonight I am here at the computer at 1230am on Saturday of labor day weekend. Do I want to be sitting here this late typing a fucking blog? No of course not, I want to be out having a good time for once.I want to be either at the boardwalk or out for drinks with our friend Jamie, as said boyfriend claimed we would do tonight.

But of course thats not what happened, why would it.

I am sick of the last minute decisions, the "when I feel like leaving" bullshit, and the selfishness in this relationship. Its all about him. When he wants to go somewhere, what he wants to do, what movie he wants to see. Of course he would digress, because he is a fucking cancer and can never, ever, admit when he is wrong. God forbid he chooses to apologize before I have to point out for the 100th time what he did to upset me. I swear to god the day he genuinly apologizes the sky will open up and it will rain meatballs.

For instance, tonight we were out with boyfriend man's parents at Chilis (where we always go) which is fine becasuse I love his parents and I will eat wherever they want to go. So I am on the spot for a drink order, and because I need to make a game time decision, I say, "strawberry lemonade" because the waitress said it. Well a few seconds later I am thinking, shit, why did I order that? I have a stupid problem with my colon-no seeds or corn. Anyways, when my little pink beverage comes it is basically water and strawberry seeds- great. SO I was going to sit there ploting to politely ask for water when our food arrives ,when genious pipes up and goes, "what are those things floating?" I am like, "they are seeds, its fine", and he takes my drink and gives me his coke with a nasty face. Since his parents are nice they say, "would you like something else to drink," to him and he chimes in, "no dont worry she does this all the time".

Now since I dont want to fight in front of them of course i didnt say shit. But inside I was like, "what the fuck are you talking about asshole, I have never ever done this to you, not once, and did I ask for your fucking soda, NO???"

I NEVER do that. When you have diverticulosis, you have to watch what you eat, period always. I really am considering never eating out, it would just be easier that way Whnever I have ordered something with seeds it has been because I didnt know there were seeds-like seeds on a bun, etc. But to call me out like that when it isnt even true and put me down in front of your parents who care for and actually respect me is EMBARESSING. Not only that, he embaressed me with a fucking lie!

Ya know, if it wasnt for me that boy would eat peanut butter and jelly most days because I cook so damn much. I have changed his life for the better! He doesnt smoke anymore now thanks to my influence and hes not eating fetuccine alfredo out of a fucking jar every night or pizza like he used to.

I dont know where I am going with this. I guess I am just aggravated with men and the male race as a whole. For every girl I know right now where there fiance isnt sure if HE wants THEM. FUCK THAT. For every girl who has a man friend who just toys with her emotions and keeps her on a roller coaster. FUCK THAT. And for every girl who feels trapped in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere but down a mountain, FUCK THAT.

I am sick and tired of being the one to always say that I am sorry-especially when I wasnt wrong. I am sick and tired of cleaning the god damn hairs out of the sink after you shave. I am sick and tired of kissing your ass when your in a shit mood. And I am sick and tired of the lack of sex and intamacy in our relationship. Do you ever feel anything anymore? Do you have blood in your veins? Did you forget where your penis is?

As a grown woman, there is no way that I will put up with this shit for much longer if things keep up this way, Id rather be homeless and that isnt a joke.

I apologize for the spelling errors. Its late and I am sure there are many of them.