Man how things change

I am an aquarian so by nature we are fickle. With us, you are in one day and out tomorrow. It doesnt mean that you are out forever, tossed into the abyss like an old sock (not that people throw old socks into a giant hole...) but you get the point, it just means that you might be on a hiatus from my life for a bit, depending on how pissed off at you I am.

My boyfriened, like him or not, can be awesome one day and not so awesome the next.

There are many days (especially lately) where I could ring his fucking neck, and I say this in jest-sort of.

Tonight I am here at the computer at 1230am on Saturday of labor day weekend. Do I want to be sitting here this late typing a fucking blog? No of course not, I want to be out having a good time for once.I want to be either at the boardwalk or out for drinks with our friend Jamie, as said boyfriend claimed we would do tonight.

But of course thats not what happened, why would it.

I am sick of the last minute decisions, the "when I feel like leaving" bullshit, and the selfishness in this relationship. Its all about him. When he wants to go somewhere, what he wants to do, what movie he wants to see. Of course he would digress, because he is a fucking cancer and can never, ever, admit when he is wrong. God forbid he chooses to apologize before I have to point out for the 100th time what he did to upset me. I swear to god the day he genuinly apologizes the sky will open up and it will rain meatballs.

For instance, tonight we were out with boyfriend man's parents at Chilis (where we always go) which is fine becasuse I love his parents and I will eat wherever they want to go. So I am on the spot for a drink order, and because I need to make a game time decision, I say, "strawberry lemonade" because the waitress said it. Well a few seconds later I am thinking, shit, why did I order that? I have a stupid problem with my colon-no seeds or corn. Anyways, when my little pink beverage comes it is basically water and strawberry seeds- great. SO I was going to sit there ploting to politely ask for water when our food arrives ,when genious pipes up and goes, "what are those things floating?" I am like, "they are seeds, its fine", and he takes my drink and gives me his coke with a nasty face. Since his parents are nice they say, "would you like something else to drink," to him and he chimes in, "no dont worry she does this all the time".

Now since I dont want to fight in front of them of course i didnt say shit. But inside I was like, "what the fuck are you talking about asshole, I have never ever done this to you, not once, and did I ask for your fucking soda, NO???"

I NEVER do that. When you have diverticulosis, you have to watch what you eat, period always. I really am considering never eating out, it would just be easier that way Whnever I have ordered something with seeds it has been because I didnt know there were seeds-like seeds on a bun, etc. But to call me out like that when it isnt even true and put me down in front of your parents who care for and actually respect me is EMBARESSING. Not only that, he embaressed me with a fucking lie!

Ya know, if it wasnt for me that boy would eat peanut butter and jelly most days because I cook so damn much. I have changed his life for the better! He doesnt smoke anymore now thanks to my influence and hes not eating fetuccine alfredo out of a fucking jar every night or pizza like he used to.

I dont know where I am going with this. I guess I am just aggravated with men and the male race as a whole. For every girl I know right now where there fiance isnt sure if HE wants THEM. FUCK THAT. For every girl who has a man friend who just toys with her emotions and keeps her on a roller coaster. FUCK THAT. And for every girl who feels trapped in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere but down a mountain, FUCK THAT.

I am sick and tired of being the one to always say that I am sorry-especially when I wasnt wrong. I am sick and tired of cleaning the god damn hairs out of the sink after you shave. I am sick and tired of kissing your ass when your in a shit mood. And I am sick and tired of the lack of sex and intamacy in our relationship. Do you ever feel anything anymore? Do you have blood in your veins? Did you forget where your penis is?

As a grown woman, there is no way that I will put up with this shit for much longer if things keep up this way, Id rather be homeless and that isnt a joke.

I apologize for the spelling errors. Its late and I am sure there are many of them.